I left high school (and my father’s house- and Ghana) thinking that I had put the worst behind me. I was going to a new place, where my life and my decisions would be my own. But then I got to Vancouver, and things weren’t quite what I expected. I found it difficult to be (for lack of a better word) a person. I was a lot more reclusive and reluctant than I would have liked to be. And while I love being in Vancouver, I feel like I’m not quite experiencing being free the way I would like to be. After a lot of thought, I think I’ve figured out why; I’m afraid. I’ve been afraid for so long that it’s become a default. It stops me from feeling; and thus, I am in pain. And so I think. I retreat within myself, afraid to do what will make me happy. Cause that’s not something i have the ability to feel anymore. And what I do feel, I find very difficult to express in real life situations. I’m used to not being good enough, to hating who I am and being scared all the time. So I rap. I found that it helps; When I’m writing lyrics, I can say whatever I want. That’s not something I’m used to; I didn’t grow up like that at all. But it’s something I’ve always wanted, and it helps with the pain. The more I did it, the more I began to feel some trace of release. But only in the slightest; so I guess I’ve got to keep on doing it. So this is my drug. And honestly, I don’t ever want to quit, cause it would probably be the death of me.
-Palendroam.